Monday, May 30, 2011

Sometimes I wonder if I should have named this blog "tales of a late blooming entrepreneur".

I am of the belief that we are all learning, every day of our lives is an oppurtunity to learn something new.  For the most part I think that is true regardless of who you are.  After shopping for pools over the weekend I believe I now have a very good understanding of the differences in local pools and pool companies.  Bottom line is the whole thing is expensive but a great investment for my family.

Other things are not so easy to learn and do take time. Things like, happiness is a choice, although my kids hear that everyday in morning announcements at school my son, is like a little old grumpy man.  He is the most creative, compassionate, funny, most annoying person in my whole life.  I get impatient waiting for him to see it in himself and get over his quirks. He is a beautiful person.  Everyone is beautiful and deserves patience and love.  :)

I remember when I was stuck, I bet some of the readers here do too.  It took about 6 months and daily pounding to get into my head that I controlled my feelings, that things did not happen to me.

I used to find the people working with me very annoying. I say that with such love, becasue they all helped me to get where I am now.  Each day I get closer to the life I want, the things I want in it and total acceptance to how things are. 

Yesterday I posted a comment about abundance and how there is enough for everyone and you just need to believe it an accept it and someone said "even money?"  I responded "yes and food too!".

I know may people are struggling financially and there is the belief of an economic break down.  I personally think that we are believing in that more than believing in ourselves. 

My family was hit by the adjustment and my husband was out of steady work for 2 years.  We had to change some things. adjust.  We did and then I quit my job at the same company.  Unheard of at the time and when the company kept people working for fear of losing their job.  Very unhealthy environment for me.  Anyway I digress.

I will sum it up by saying this, did you know that the American public, ordinary people like you and me, collectively spent over 150 million dollars on 3 movies that came out this weekend?

Just think about that.  The money is there.  Happiness and food or love or whatever you want is too!

Peace and Love

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Join me on my see saw, won't you?

To me the most confusing thing about all the woo woo stuff I am into, is that I am not sure I truly believe in an after life.  I believe that energy never dies and that once the spark is gone your energy goes on to do other things, but I cannot say for sure if I think we reincarnate or come back as trees or come back at all. 

You know when you go under for surgery, sometimes I think that is what death is like except they do not wake you up again.  Unconscious, other times I think that we go somewhere, not as people with people experiences but as energy with energy experiences.

Now that being said,from my head my heart says:

I believe in angels and passed on loved ones communicating with you.  I also believe that many of us have been here before and carry some residual fears or missions to carry out. I believe that love is a powerful energy that even if unconscious brings us together, we may just not know it....

I am laughing now at me, and I am because I get messages for people and from people.  I get them all the time. Sometimes I pass them on sometimes I do not.  Sometimes I doubt they are from the other side and think it is residual energy that someone carries in their aura but I also believe in intelligent haunting.  There have been times when a butterfly has led me to a graveside, when I was not sure which one it was. 

I think all this seesaw waffling is what often holds me back from believing in my skill.  Yet, I also think that is what makes my skills more believable. A healthy dose of skepticism never hurt anyone....or has it?

I find it very funny when my young male friends come to me when I am in the shower.  No, I do not see them and they do not see me, but I think of a funny story or a memory or get a message in my mind.  Today was one for a friends son, the message was to the effect of, (and I will not direct quote because it is more the feeling than the words) 

Don't always let everyone know what you are doing or thinking, if you are crazy or sane, leave a sense of mystery, that is what will draw people to you they will want to know, they may never find out.  
Be mysterious.  

Totally what I would expect the dad to tell his son. Especially because I sensed he is concerned.

So does that make it real?  I believe so, for the fact that there was no reason for me to be thinking of them in the shower.  I just had surgery and I was concerned about my surgical site not hearing a message from an old friend.  Heck I had just finished taking off and fixing a door knob, these two were the farthest from my mind.  

Anyway, I am publicly acknowledging this message.  It happened, I got it, and I am passing it on, well in a way, not directly to the son as he is a minor but to my blog readers as I step out farther into who I really am.  

Can I read people on command? don't know, I have never tried, well that is not true either, I have tried and I have done it, but there was always just one acknowledgement and then the pressure of the persons curiosity and my fear would shut me down.  Not sure that is the route I want to go.  I know it is where the money is, but I find private healing sessions are a much better place to share this type of information.  It is of a healing nature after all.  People come for a healing, some stress relief and they may leave with a nugget of love from days gone by, they may not, but they leave feeling better just the same. 

Usually things come to me when I am performing a Reiki session or doing a reading, sometimes days later, in the way of a dream, a story, or a song.  I know when they happen and sometimes I also know when people I have not spoken to in years are thinking of me.  I cannot explain it.  I sometimes will try to verify it and sometimes I just know and it warms my heart. 

I know we all have these abilities some are just better at tapping into them than others.   I have no doubt of what I am capable of. 

Although I seem to waffle to and fro I do know that it is time to surrender to who I am and what I do, so that I can find the best way to help people.

Sometimes the advise I give or the answers to questions are not even my words at all, they are the words of someone a client has lost, a guide or some other message that comes through me and I am not always aware of thinking before I speak, but a lot of times they will say "my mom used to say that" or "that reminds me of what my dad used to tell me" and I am sitting there thinking "that was obviously them because I do not speak like that".

As I sit here writing this I have to wonder if I will ever post it.  I have a slew of unposted blog entries in my drafts folder.  Many have not been posted for fear and wondering what people would think or if it is good for business.

Also to show that I work from a place of knowing but often, doubting what I know, that is in my design it is me, but I do not doubt me, not for one second.

I have many skills and a lot of information to share and a lot of things to show others.  I plan to find the best way to do this and get it done.

I feel something big is coming and it is coming soon and I love all the support you give as I walk into whatever it may be.

Much love to all! 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Remembering Nora

I am not sure I have told many people, but I have been taking the Hospice Volunteer Training course.

Last night we watched a remarkable story about a remarkable woman. Nora Lenihan. She allowed cameras to follow her through her battle with breast cancer.  She was 32 when she first was diagnosed and went into remission, she lost her mother to the same disease when she was 37 and shortly after was told hers returned and spread, she died at 39.  The Boston Globe did an article about her as well.  The documentary that followed her for 299 days of life.  She had roots in RI and lived for many years in Boston. The Boston Globe article was June 23,1996.

Today is the anniversary of her death. The instructor didn't realize that when she planned the class and while we were discussing the documentary we were treated with the most beautiful sunset we had seen since we started classes weeks ago.

As all deaths go, I do not want her illness to define her but the way she lived.

Something she spoke of that really got to me was, knowing that she was dying took away her blissful ignorance.  She said we as humans get up everyday and plan the day, the week, the month, the years to come, without ever thinking it may be our last day. We are blissfully ignorant. 

Periodically the narrator would say, today is day 165, Nora does not know how much time she has left. 

She met and lost over 15 women who were in her support groups, it was also repeated throughout the movie by her friends that she was more alive than she had ever been in this part of her journey.  It was just an amazing story. 

I am so grateful to have been able to see it.  I cannot find a copy for the life of me. I would love to replace my instructors VHS tape with a DVD, she shows it every training session.

I think when I started writing this entry this morning I was going somewhere in sharing this, but now it seems I cannot remember and perhaps it is better because today I just want to share Nora's name and say she was remarkable.

I am guessing this seems like a really depressing post.  To some it may be and to some it may drudge up many other things and for that I apologize.

I guess I just wanted to share her courage and story with you all and send hugs to her family.  I wish I could find a copy of her story online.  If I do I will add it later.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

What if......

A memory popped into my head last night and I was almost forced to get up and write it.  I won that battle but I still feel it needs to go here.

I was once told "I pulled up outside your apartment door that night, I decided if you opened the door I would come in and we could be together, you didn't so I left."  I remember thinking how funny that was, becasue I was inside my apartment wondering what the car wanted outside finding it strage.

It is likely that, that relationship would have been strained from the get go. As much as we thought we wanted it, it was not meant to be.  It was really a situation I intentionally created to protect myself from something else.  That story will wait for another day.

Today's story is about well I am not really sure what it is about.  Perception, chance, a strange attempt at romance.......maybe sitting in the car would have worked if he played the Cranberries really loud, or yelled my name, who's to say.

I think I have been venturing into that dark land of "what if's" lately, and wondering how my life and the health of myself and others would be a bit different if things had been different.  I try not to stay in the "what if's" too much because it is really not a productive place to be, but in my attempt to clear it all. I am allowing short trips.  What is making it much better than in the past is I am finding a positive result for each senerio.  I have amazed myself with how many I have found.  It is not always easy but when I am prompted I get it done.

I believe that each experience we have regardless of how devastating can bring you soo much, if you are only able or willing to see it. In some cases that realization is delayed as it is meant to be.  Never doubt that the pain or emotions you feel around something is wrong.  Just try to remember there are great lessons from the darkest of times and those lessons propel us into the next great thing.

Also try not to carry that raw pain or anger with you for years at a time.  (I laugh as I write that line)

I was talking to an amazing woman last night and we were discussing how you always have a fear or a dread of the worst thing that can happen in your life, then it happens and you are still here and you really need to stop and decide what you are going to do with it. 

Then another woman in the group reminded us to "never should on yourself".

I find it really cool that a volunteer opportunity with an attached 9 week training course, can truly support the clearing work I am doing. In fact there have been many classes or books I have read that let me know all this work is to be happening right now, and even though sometimes I scold myself for still having theses bits and pieces or huge chunks of stuff that I have not allowed myself to let go of, it is all in the time it was meant to be done in.

When I look at what I have written I really see clearly that how we look at something and if we look at it as it is without judgement, events and memories just are what they are.  When we remove the "what if's" and "shoulds" we are allowed to just see what was.

The challenge this week is to release judgement, try it.  Do not judge people, ideas, plans, or words.  Stop yourself each time you label something with a judgement.   

Feel free to let me know how you made out!