Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Couldn't decide what to write about next.  I have about 8 saved partially written posts, all of which at some point or another seemed unfit to post here. 

I was standing just outside of a drum circle today, wondering why I never have the balls to take a seat and play, when it hit me.  Write about this.......

What is this you ask?  A Respite Camp - for a local Hospice-  3 hours of pure positive energy and love. 

I remember receiving the email telling me about the camp and asking if I would like to volunteer my services for it.  At first I remember thinking it was not something I was good enough to participate in.  After a couple of weeks and some clearing of old beliefs, I decided to tell them I would love to participate.

When they came back and said they would like me to do card readings I was shocked and thrilled. As you are aware I recently came out of the card reading closet (sort of) and I was thinking they would want Reiki.  I trusted that if the cards were what they wanted then it was meant to be and I would just go with it. Just in case though I bought little angel tokens to give out, that way if I sucked at least they had something tangible to walk away with.  I am truly awesome at doubting myself! 

About a month passed and my confidence grew, until Sunday night.  I was a little releved that the event for Monday was canceled, I cannot lie about that, but the cancellation also let me feel disappointed and that disappointment recharged my desire to participate.

While listening to the drumming, I was noticing how eventually the sounds blended and sounded awesome. A child would pick up a tamborine or a clanker or a rain stick and the music was just fabulous.  Everyone there was either playing or participating by enjoying it. 

I realized I was standing with beautiful people. All giving of their time to bring some peace to families who really really needed it. 

One of the volunteers I spoke to works out of the hospital, it is her job to meet with family members of a patient and make their lives a little normal and fun, not just a calendar of appointments and child care.  I started to think about that a lot.  I started to think about what the kids must feel like when a sick sibling is getting all the attention and how it might make them feel.  Then I looked around at all of their smiling faces and was really touched.  I was honored to be there, to be a part of it. 

The turn out was not huge at first so I hung out with the art therapist and helped her prep and work with a couple of kids.  I also talked with other volunteers and listen to a wonderful story teller and met a blind rescue dog. 
I was fine just being there, whether or not anyone was interested in a reading or a Reiki session. 

By the end of the time, I had done 2 readings and will be returning another day this week to do a couple more.

Both clients had never had a reading and wanted information about what it was all about.  They also asked for information on Reiki.  I realized as I was talking that I was doing just what I dreamed I would be doing last January. It was quite a day.

I am honored to have been a part of the camp and am grateful for being trusted by the 2 people I read for their strength is an inspiration. 

I am thankful for the opportunity to participate in things like this.
I am thankful for my broken ankle which slowed me down enough to learn things I may not have otherwise. 
I am thankful for my families health. 

Among other things I am having trouble articulating, something I learned today is: 

When you treat a bubble like a bubble it is not trouble at all it is just a bubble. It is when you treat it like it is something else that the trouble begins (Jay O'Callahan)

OK now to just press the publish post button. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Here we go.....

Staring at a blank word document has to be one of the scariest things I have encountered lately.  I used to be a constant flow of words, I remember in the early 90’s I had a Brother Word Processor I would write for days on end about anything that crossed my mind.  How I wish those disks were somehow compatible or transferable to Word.  The last time I checked they were not.  Twice I have started the printing of my old files and then had to give up for one reason or another, someday I will complete that. 

I think it was easy to write back then, because no one ever saw what I was writing, unless I wanted them to.  Now as I write there is a possibility for many people to see my words; criticize them.

I have to trust that my meaning and purpose are written well received the way I have intended. I have to trust that what I write will create an interest in what I am doing. 

Trust is a word I have been struggling with in the last year.  I have lost trust in so many things, and have gained trust in things that seem so much bigger than myself.  I still have a couple real big things to let go of in order to trust in people, some are just not what they appear to be, but over all I have made a conscious effort to trust.  

Along with trust, I have become wiser about worry.  I am not worrying so much, I believe it is because I trust that what will be will be and I do my best each day.  My best is all I can do and so why worry.  I notice my lack of worry at times and as I sit in that space I laugh at how I used to fill it with worry.  Sometimes I think for a quick moment that my lack of worry will result in my missing or forgetting something, I then realize that worry is trying to get back into my life and let it go.

How did I get to this place, this place of peace, trust, and no worry?  It has been a journey, one I have not always loved, but wanted, one that is not over but traveled enough to see some results.   

It has been a journey started due to loss and continued on due to gain.  It is a journey in which I will continue to trust and to not worry, to live in peace and pass on as much of that as I can to others.