Couldn't decide what to write about next. I have about 8 saved partially written posts, all of which at some point or another seemed unfit to post here.
I was standing just outside of a drum circle today, wondering why I never have the balls to take a seat and play, when it hit me. Write about this.......
What is this you ask? A Respite Camp - for a local Hospice- 3 hours of pure positive energy and love.
I remember receiving the email telling me about the camp and asking if I would like to volunteer my services for it. At first I remember thinking it was not something I was good enough to participate in. After a couple of weeks and some clearing of old beliefs, I decided to tell them I would love to participate.
When they came back and said they would like me to do card readings I was shocked and thrilled. As you are aware I recently came out of the card reading closet (sort of) and I was thinking they would want Reiki. I trusted that if the cards were what they wanted then it was meant to be and I would just go with it. Just in case though I bought little angel tokens to give out, that way if I sucked at least they had something tangible to walk away with. I am truly awesome at doubting myself!
About a month passed and my confidence grew, until Sunday night. I was a little releved that the event for Monday was canceled, I cannot lie about that, but the cancellation also let me feel disappointed and that disappointment recharged my desire to participate.
While listening to the drumming, I was noticing how eventually the sounds blended and sounded awesome. A child would pick up a tamborine or a clanker or a rain stick and the music was just fabulous. Everyone there was either playing or participating by enjoying it.
I realized I was standing with beautiful people. All giving of their time to bring some peace to families who really really needed it.
One of the volunteers I spoke to works out of the hospital, it is her job to meet with family members of a patient and make their lives a little normal and fun, not just a calendar of appointments and child care. I started to think about that a lot. I started to think about what the kids must feel like when a sick sibling is getting all the attention and how it might make them feel. Then I looked around at all of their smiling faces and was really touched. I was honored to be there, to be a part of it.
The turn out was not huge at first so I hung out with the art therapist and helped her prep and work with a couple of kids. I also talked with other volunteers and listen to a wonderful story teller and met a blind rescue dog.
I was fine just being there, whether or not anyone was interested in a reading or a Reiki session.
By the end of the time, I had done 2 readings and will be returning another day this week to do a couple more.
Both clients had never had a reading and wanted information about what it was all about. They also asked for information on Reiki. I realized as I was talking that I was doing just what I dreamed I would be doing last January. It was quite a day.
I am honored to have been a part of the camp and am grateful for being trusted by the 2 people I read for their strength is an inspiration.
I am thankful for the opportunity to participate in things like this.
I am thankful for my broken ankle which slowed me down enough to learn things I may not have otherwise.
I am thankful for my families health.
Among other things I am having trouble articulating, something I learned today is:
When you treat a bubble like a bubble it is not trouble at all it is just a bubble. It is when you treat it like it is something else that the trouble begins (Jay O'Callahan)
OK now to just press the publish post button.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Staring at a blank word document has to be one of the scariest things I have encountered lately. I used to be a constant flow of words, I remember in the early 90’s I had a Brother Word Processor I would write for days on end about anything that crossed my mind. How I wish those disks were somehow compatible or transferable to Word. The last time I checked they were not. Twice I have started the printing of my old files and then had to give up for one reason or another, someday I will complete that.
I think it was easy to write back then, because no one ever saw what I was writing, unless I wanted them to. Now as I write there is a possibility for many people to see my words; criticize them.
I have to trust that my meaning and purpose are written well received the way I have intended. I have to trust that what I write will create an interest in what I am doing.
Trust is a word I have been struggling with in the last year. I have lost trust in so many things, and have gained trust in things that seem so much bigger than myself. I still have a couple real big things to let go of in order to trust in people, some are just not what they appear to be, but over all I have made a conscious effort to trust.
Along with trust, I have become wiser about worry. I am not worrying so much, I believe it is because I trust that what will be will be and I do my best each day. My best is all I can do and so why worry. I notice my lack of worry at times and as I sit in that space I laugh at how I used to fill it with worry. Sometimes I think for a quick moment that my lack of worry will result in my missing or forgetting something, I then realize that worry is trying to get back into my life and let it go.
How did I get to this place, this place of peace, trust, and no worry? It has been a journey, one I have not always loved, but wanted, one that is not over but traveled enough to see some results.
It has been a journey started due to loss and continued on due to gain. It is a journey in which I will continue to trust and to not worry, to live in peace and pass on as much of that as I can to others.