Staring at a blank word document has to be one of the scariest things I have encountered lately. I used to be a constant flow of words, I remember in the early 90’s I had a Brother Word Processor I would write for days on end about anything that crossed my mind. How I wish those disks were somehow compatible or transferable to Word. The last time I checked they were not. Twice I have started the printing of my old files and then had to give up for one reason or another, someday I will complete that.
I think it was easy to write back then, because no one ever saw what I was writing, unless I wanted them to. Now as I write there is a possibility for many people to see my words; criticize them.
I have to trust that my meaning and purpose are written well received the way I have intended. I have to trust that what I write will create an interest in what I am doing.
Trust is a word I have been struggling with in the last year. I have lost trust in so many things, and have gained trust in things that seem so much bigger than myself. I still have a couple real big things to let go of in order to trust in people, some are just not what they appear to be, but over all I have made a conscious effort to trust.
Along with trust, I have become wiser about worry. I am not worrying so much, I believe it is because I trust that what will be will be and I do my best each day. My best is all I can do and so why worry. I notice my lack of worry at times and as I sit in that space I laugh at how I used to fill it with worry. Sometimes I think for a quick moment that my lack of worry will result in my missing or forgetting something, I then realize that worry is trying to get back into my life and let it go.
How did I get to this place, this place of peace, trust, and no worry? It has been a journey, one I have not always loved, but wanted, one that is not over but traveled enough to see some results.
It has been a journey started due to loss and continued on due to gain. It is a journey in which I will continue to trust and to not worry, to live in peace and pass on as much of that as I can to others.
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